Tuesday, August 29, 2006 | 1:18 AM

i'm utterly sick of my life, and completely appalled at my disability to let go of it.

i don't want to continue.it's a torment, i can't take it anymore.

and yet i still go on.

how many times must my heart break and my confidence get crushed before i learn?

everything that i had once lived for is now disappearing or has turned to become something inexistant.there's nothing to prepare today for tomorrow's journey.nothing in the next day to look forward to.

and there's nothing i have to tell you.be it good or bad news, you'll still be unhappy, and then you'll be angry with me being pissed with your over still being unsatisfied.even if i told you, you wouldn't care, would you?

no one i can ever confide enough in.if i were dead and were watching my own funeral take process from up above,i'd really want to see what my friends had to say about me.it'd all be full of empty words and nothingness.my true sorrow is unheard and unknown of.

don't go asking me 'are you okay?'.if i do seem that traumatised enough for your prompting, i obviously am not.comforting me will get you nowhere.the only way to heal is to have some time alone, and yet only a few of my wounds heal.

the things you say and do might seem so trivial and unimportant, but they do hurt me viciously so at some point.and then, i mysteriously pull a long face and behave moodily for the rest, for the apparent no-good reason you think i have.

i'm oversensitive.i think too much.i cry alone.i'll never be fine.

i suppose you all hate me by now.

Thursday, August 17, 2006 | 4:55 AM

i must be mad.

last night, i dreamt that someone ran his fingers through the strands of the wig i was wearing.

he asked me if that was a wig or not, and i heatedly replied 'of course it's my hair you doofus!'

should really stop dreaming, it's driving me nuts and making my friends laugh at me when i tell them about it.how very embarrassing..

oh well, we had our History presentation today.shocked the whole class with this scary thing which i had never seen before. so i was standing in front of the whole class covering my ears.heh i think they took a cue from me and started doing the same too, others covering their mouth before the great shock.

other than the whoops received from the class for our History presentation, everything else went rotten.. my chinese teacher scolded me for being indecisive as i couldn't answer her question of which place in Singapore i like best.don't think she'd accept my answer of the Ritz-Carlton hotel, though.

got scolded by math teacher indirectly because i was listening intently to yicen telling me something about survey-like things... got back my english comprehension.

oh, and if you were wondering, i am not fine.it is Really going to take long for me to recover from this ultimate dismay.

went for band rather reluctantly.. i know that many people around me have been eyeing me with disdain, hence the reluctance.mr ong showed us a meiden high 2005 summer concert.i was so very excited then, and kept telling yethong that i hoped that we could find that particular one in the crowd, but the one was not there..replaced by some nerd instead.what a rotten disappointment.

uhh..something rather significant happened on the way home.

right you'll realise that everything here's ambiguous cos theyre confidential.want to know?talk to me then.

till next time..tata

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 | 6:28 AM

i dont know!

..what am i doing here?

for i am to be locked up in my cell of a room,

mugging, mugging, mugging

literature and math tomorrow

history presentation the day after,

topped with seemingly endless sessions of band

seemingly everyday.
-
do i sound pathetic enough?

really i should be studying for math.dont want to spend my ___day afternoons locked up in a classroom doing math worksheets with a demanding teacher at bay.

anyway big news: i cut my hair!much shorter now.and i look ridiculous + dumb when i tie it up, cos fringe will be very un-flat and bounces all over my damned head.i like it better left alone,when i don't put on my spectacles as well.gives me the impression that i look Japanese. which is good, by the way. very, very good.pity i might get lectured on leaving my hair untied because the ends are pretty long.

x5 hairpins and stump of a ponytail whenever im in school(which is a large Most of the time), here i come.

Friday, August 11, 2006 | 8:43 PM

Prince

ohmygoodnesswhichdoilikemore?

Thursday, August 10, 2006 | 2:00 AM

i...

I AM: feeling tired
I WANT: to be more interested in my studies
I WISH: to be less imperfect.
I HATE: what i am going through right now
I MISS: having real friends by my side
I FEAR: failing the upcoming math timed assignment
I HEAR: the wind howling
I WONDER: why my innermost thoughts are always being trapped within me
I REGRET: not studying hard enough for practically every test
I AM NOT: good at comforting people. at all.
I SING: badly.
I CRY: over things that happen to me
I AM NOT ALWAYS: good at everything
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: some music.ya know, playing my violin?
I WRITE: long essays full of empty words. i need some more inspiration.
I CONFUSE: people when i teach them how to do things
I NEED: to be more artistically-inclined.
I SHOULD: be a better friend and student.
I START: getting angry when i am treated with some backsass.
I FINISH: homework, usually after their given deadlines
I LOVE: dreaming
I REMEMBER: faces better than names when it comes to people

Friday, August 04, 2006 | 4:48 AM

a pun in a pun(that's what yet hong likes to say)

i have finally got myself an A for my history!

but i still think that i would not like to take it next year

well,you see...there's no future in it.