Tuesday, November 07, 2006 | 6:26 AM

moving on

whatever.

i'm not going to write here anymore.the name of my blog is so...eww.full-stop.

so boring...and so final.

indeed, we must all retain hope in times of crisis..................

i dont make any sense, yes i do.

http://tentativity.livejournal.com/

see you there.

Friday, November 03, 2006 | 6:52 PM

-

because i have nothing to write about, and because i am rather much compelled to post something here, i shall come up with a list of words that i have learnt recently:

surreptitious
extol
rendezvous
emulate
debonair

...i do not remember them all, but i must shove more of them up to my brain, lest my already-weakened vocabulary diminishes into nothing-ness in a matter of weeks.

SPEAK, USE AND RIGHT GOOD ENGLISH... yeah whatever i'm out.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 | 7:01 AM

no end to it all ?

for the past two days, i have been the saddest, most pathetic person in my entire school.

i think.

i'm just too upset to do anything.i have not been sleeping or eating well, and just to open my mouth and talk was a task deemed impossible.it must have been really hard for anyone to communicate with me.sigh.

today was kind of better, but i still feel horrible.. like my heart was being continually stabbed, and the blood still flowing and flowing and flowing, as if there wasn't any end to it.

has my sadness passed on, or is my melancholy still unrealized?or have i learnt not to show such a side of me to others?unlikely so.. i know that i'm childish and will never really grow up.i think i like it this way though.

i should stop posting all these things.they don't even make much sense anyway.i'm just doing what was expected of me(according to michy), thinking for such a long time and sometimes being unable to come to a conclusion

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 | 6:50 AM

poem

i don't want to discuss my feelings, be it now, later, or for ever.just don't probe.i've written a poem, and i think it tells you all that you need to know.of course, you can't take it literally.something rather like literature, which requires analysis at some points.ah well, that's just what i think anyway.

it's untitled, and is after this sentence.

I tell myself to stand strong and tall
but against my will, tears still fall
when, ever, will i begin to learn
that success is most difficult to earn?
and that i'm just special -
for me to win takes more than just my simple will

I'm a failure, let down self and all
the path is more than just a slow, long crawl
to get what i want, what i desire most
for what i currently have is far from close
Falling, picking up, falling yet again
when i think the sun shines it starts to rain

uneveness, bumpy patches on the road i've failed to see
others did, not warning me, jumped over in glee
there, they made past the dirt and the muck
while i'm stuck there, resigned to Lady Luck
the seeds of maturity i had failed to sow
now, watered by my tears they finally grow

it's been too long, and too hard for me to bear
i'm sorry friends, of my inability to care
made this way, sensitive and thinking too much
easily brought down to tears by even the finest touch
i hope my seedlings of maturity will one day be a tree
they may not, but i still thank you all for loving me
-

rather imperfect?it's raw.. only minor alterations put into this version to clean it up.nevermind.you are free to comment on it.just don't ask me whats wrong or tell me to cheer up.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 | 7:38 AM

survey, yet again.i like it though yay

tagged by huijun

1 single, taken or crushing?- single
2 are you happy with your life now?- hell no
3 when you meet the right person, will you fall in love with him fast? - i suppose so.when i realise that he is The Right Person, that is
4 have you ever had your heart broken?- wow i didn't know muscles could be broken
5 do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?- huh what cheating love?
6 Would you take someone back if he cheats on u?- nah.if you treasure someone, you wouldn't cheat on him/her.
7 have you ever talked bout marriage with another before?- yah, with inez.it got so serious we suddenly went 'hey what the heck, we're just 14'
8 do you want children?- no, for they are annoying and noisy
9 how many?- 0
10 would you consider adoption?- maybe?if i'm adopting a pet, that is
11 if someone likes you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?- hmm...write me some nice letter/poem/song or just tell me, in the sweetest way possible!(i'm just giving stupid standards.no one would ever like me anyway)
12 do you enjoy getting into a relationship?- ask me after i have like 10 boyfriends(not going to happen)
13 be honest, what is the furthest you and your ex did?- i don't have one
14 do you believe in love at first sight?- more of infatuation.what is love, anyway?
15 are you romantic?- unsure, but i love romantic people!
16 do you believe you can change someone?- have yet to test myself on this
17 if you could get married somewhere, where would it be?- not in view of my family?bah whatever i don't really care
18 do you easily give up when you are fighting?- usually not.i like crushing them.
19 do you have feelings for someone right now?- what sort of feelings huh
20 have you ever wished that you have had someone but you messed it up?- why would i wish for myself to mess up the someone that i want to have?
21 have you ever broken a heart?- how do you break one?by means not achieveable by me, thats how!
22 if one day your best friend fall in love with the girl/boy you deeply in love with, what would you do?- if it's my boyfriend i'd ask him to choose.if it's a crush i'd give up
23 are you missing someone right now?- no

now you have to name 5 of your friends to do this survey in their blogs.
-chatty
-shiping
-shinny
-alicia
-yethong

Friday, October 06, 2006 | 9:49 PM

fateful friday

nothing's new.i get thrown into this emo state all the time.and the things that i worry about are always the same.it's plain amazing, the way i conjure up this ability in me to depict my misery and all my suffering(of a type that doesn't vary) time and again.

so i shall forget about being so darn... inconsolable.it can never be helped.

i've been living half of my days at Bishan library this week, to study for the exams.i find it disturbing, when students from some particular secondary schools come over and place their ungrateful bottoms on the carpeted ground and start yelling and screaming their heads off.very ironic, no?maybe these idiots can't read and just entered the library because it has air-con and cafes and other people like them.

at the library yesterday, something unpleasant happened.i was with inez, yicen and mingee and we were sitting at the glass-walled area reading books(form of cultured relaxation, instead of the often banging-on-the-keyboard that happens whenever we go home).inez and i found it hard to concentrate because it was noisy(wow!) so we went to the 2nd floor instead.. or was it the 3rd?shortly after, yicen and mingee went to the 1st floor so that they could borrow more books and pay off the great amount of the fine yicen's card(not her) chalked up.naturally, nobody was sitting at our original spot.

after a while, we all went up again.lo and behold!4 RI boys were sitting there instead, some on the cushions there!it was a good thing that i placed my notebooks in my bag before i went down.inez said that it wasn't wrong of them to sit there so we just walked over and took our bags and walked downstairs.as we were walking down the ramp to the 1st floor, i looked up and saw one of the four RI guys(who's some channel 8 child actor bah) walking down as well, his 3 other friends ahead.they left almost immediately after us.

yicen was fuming.she said that that did that because they looked down on us not-so-elite-cedarians, though i felt that it was more of childishness on their part.i hope i never see them again.

note: bishan junction 8 is a dangerous place, highly advised against going unless you want to bump into your teacher passing by on the way home.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 | 5:05 AM

whew...

so tiring these days.don't know what to do anymore.mugging and spending long hours at the library every day, but not learning much.

i'll keep my fingers crossed.